ATC Humour - Launceston ACC Quote Book - 1981-89
UBV gives departure call from Flinders Is to Launy "Tracking 190, below 5000, endurance 230, POB one man and a dog."
CZT & TJN Launy to Melbourne, TJS & CZP Hobart to Melbourne.
of the good old two-airline policy!]
cruising FL310 at 80 DME Launy, just like the box said."
TJS: "TJS, cruising FL350 at 70 DME Launy, just like my First Officer said."
1 to Devonport [Flight Service]
after several days of rain and several hours closed due fog: "How's
RMZ inbound to Hobart from Coolangatta [i.e. from the north-east], assigned FL110.
request diversion right of track to avoid Mt Wellington" [Mt Wellington
is to the south-west of Hobart airport]
confirm diversion due to weather?"
RMZ: "RMZ, thanks, we're just thinking about that..."
MMS [an Ansett F.27] en route Wynyard-Melbourne was asked whether a requirement to reach FL140 x time 0000 was acceptable.
Reply: "Aaaaah...that's stretching the friendship a bit."
"Launy Control, good evening, CZU SIMON 30 FL330 Launy 46."
TJJ (Launceston-Hobart), left FL150.
"TJJ, contact Tower 118.1 at 30 miles."
TBH en route Launceston-Hobart.
"Launy Control we're 45 DME Launy, er, correction 45 DME Devonport...er, no...where am I? 43 DME Hobart, request descent."
[Launceston is only 70 miles from Hobart - about 15 minutes from takeoff to touchdown in a Boeing 727]
Melbourne Sectors initiate some rapid radar vectoring on ING (a Citation 550) on track Cowes [Phillip Is]-Devonport-Hobart to allow descent for two Launy jets. On contacting 119.7: "Launy Control, ING, SIMON at various times, cruising FL310, estimating Devonport at 47."
"Launy Control this is Charlie Lima er Kilo...Alpha...whatever it is on climb to 4,500."
"EWV we're abeam MARSH - do you want us to call Melbourne?"
"Ah Launy Control, FKA, we're interested to know why we can't
get a clearance at Hobart until we taxy." (Pilots were concerned
about extra workload when taxying.)
CZF, Melbourne direct to Launceston [the transfer point from Melbourne Control to Launy Control was abeam position SIMON in these circumstances]
"Launy Control, CZF."
Sector 1 - situation: CLZ on frequency LT-WY [Wynyard] (Capt P., F/O Brown). KAM departed LT for FLI [Flinders Island], not yet on frequency.
"KAM, Launy Control, do you read?"
HB info: P, Runway 30 wet, 240/15-25 XW max 25, 986, 11, 7/3000LP, vis reducing in rain, expect instrument approach.
TAF after landing at HB: "Tower, TAF, there's a bit of undershoot shear over the dunes there, but the arse drops out of it when you cross the threshold."
When standard phraseologies fail you, resort to plain English!
Control, TAJ, we'll be looking for descent in a couple of minutes."
Message from Operational Control (OPS) for Tester 911:
[Tester 911 was a DC3 (C47)]
ENVOY 605 [RAAF BAC111] tracking WY-FLI-CB
"ENVOY 605, report DME distance
either WY or FLI."
TAJ, LT-HB on descent into Hobart broadcast his inbound call three times on 119.7. His reply after being informed of the third call: "Stupid bloody radio!"
"Anatomy of an Air-Race"
About 6 pm, Sector 2...
Scene: VH-LOF, a Westwind, LT-EN [Essendon] climbing FL370. VH-JFT, the CAA's HS125, LT-EN about 10 miles behind and step-climbing underneath. Both aircraft have just called Sector 2.
"LOF this is JFT, what's your climbing indicated?"
THE RACE HAS STARTED
a couple of minutes, the pilots of LOF, not to be outdone, come back
more minutes -
4.30 am local
"Launy Control, PFS, what's the bright star low on the eastern
Thank you Alan.
Noise abatement arrival?
[Westwind] AJQ ML-LT
Good onya Ops!
LT-ML, departed 2334, climbing FL310
"CZO approaching FL240. You guys must be heavy, we're catching
KLF 516 281127
TO ADVISE THAT THE LAUNCESTON AREA CONTROL CENTRE HAS SUCCUMBED TO
A TERMINAL FORM OF CANCER
CIVIL AVIATIONUS CONSOLIDATIONUS (OR CAC FOR SHORT) IS A LITTLE KNOWN
VIRUS RELATED TO THE AIDS VIRUS. IT IS USUALLY CONTRACTED IN THE INTERCOURSE
WHICH OCCURS BETWEEN CENTRAL/REGIONAL OFFICE'S DESIRE TO CUT COSTS
AND FIELD STAFF'S DESIRE TO REMAIN WHERE THEY ARE.
NO FLOWERS BY REQUEST................
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